The Road to Iquitos and Working with Tobacco - Part 1

If you know me, you know the amount of respect I have for the healing potential of ayahuasca. My personal relationship with this medicine is immense. It has been the most powerful and transformative force in my life over the last 14 years. That’s a long story, and is actually not the focus of this post, although it’s related…

In a recent ceremony I had an experience that brought me to my knees with so much love that it is truly beyond the ability of words to communicate. What is most notable is that I was able to fully receive that love and not feel unworthy or block it in some way. In this moment I recognized all of the work I have done, all of the healing and growth and real change in my life, and I realized that while I will continue this work for the rest of my life, the time has come for me to gather all my presence and wisdom and love, and find a focused practical way to begin to give it back.

I have been called over the years to the notion of doing healing work for others but I never felt like I was ready, or that I was qualified. After my last ceremony this April, that changed. I have been distinctly called to begin training to work with plant medicines in order that I may be of service to others. But where to start?

I decided that my work would start with learning to use tobacco in it’s most respectful and potent capacity, the way it has been used by tabaqueros for as long as anyone knows. I came to this conclusion after completing a one-week tobacco diet with a skilled practitioner here in Oregon. The result has been incredibly powerful and transformative to the point that I have no doubt that this is my point of entry into working with master-plants. In the plant world, tobacco is king.

I’m blessed to have a connection to a gifted tabaquero in Peru who has been on his path as a curandero since he was just six years old. He will be my teacher and so I know that I’m learning from the best. While my journey with this powerful medicine has already begun, I will begin to deepen my training this September when I fly to Iquitos and spend several months with him, dieting tobacco and various local trees which he will prescribe upon my arrival.

A note about “dieting” if you are not familiar with this shamanic process: The way a curandero (one who heals with plants) gains their knowledge and thus their effectiveness as a healer is by learning directly from the plants themselves through ingesting them in a very controlled manner, under the guidance of a maestro. The dieter will fast, eating maybe only one simple meal a day of vegetables only for the duration of the diet. The dieter is also ingesting their prescribed plant once a day. This simplified diet allows for the master-plant to have more potency and really take hold and make its wisdom known to the dieter. In addition, the dieter is spending the duration of the diet in isolation and limiting all interactions with the outside world, including all stimulus such as sex, books and phones. I will be able to paint, but otherwise I will be keeping to myself and focusing all my energies on my day-to-day self reflections and the vivid dreams that may arise as I work with my plants. That’s a simplistic explanation, but hopefully it adds a little clarity.

The point I want to make is this is a huge transition in my life. It’s a bold, risky and frankly scary transition that carries a lot of weight and holds a great deal of growth, but also humility. The preparation for this journey is massive and in itself feels overwhelming at times. But I know that it is something that I want to see through and so I’m taking the call to action regardless of my fears.

What this means for me is yet to be decided. How will this effect my career as an artist? Am I changing careers? The answer to the second question is a definite no. I will continue to make art as always, probably with even more potency and sense of duty. I can see a situation where I’m co-facilitating healing ceremonies and then leading people in bringing their healing visions to life through a creative process. But ideas like this are far in the future and I can’t get too hung up on planning and pretending like I know for certain where this will all ultimately lead because honestly, I just don’t know. I’m at the very beginning of a new chapter and I just need to take it one page at a time right now.

This relationship I wish to cultivate with tobacco is going to be a life long path, just as my relationship with my creativity is. Initially it will require many months of challenging diets in Peru, eating very little and probably pushing myself to near exhaustion. It is not going to be an easy path but I am as ready now as I’ll ever be. I need to also remember that the path is the destination and whatever is meant to be will naturally unfold in the way that it does. I tend to rush into things, and at 50 I’m more than ever filled with a sense of urgency…but I need to exercise patience, and this truth has recently presented itself to me over and over again to the point that I can not deny it. Patience, patience, patience…

So, all of that said, I’m in the transition phase of moving out of my apartment and coincidently out of my art studio at The Haven, and putting everything into storage so I can be mobile for awhile and free to travel in order to see this mission through all of its unknown twists and turns.

Thanks for reading this story about this very important change I’m facing in my life right now. This feels absolutely epic for me. I really don’t know what is going to happen! Comment below if you can relate to this kind of self-initiated life-changing event.

note: all the photos in this post were taken by me on my last trip to Peru in 2017.